From The Bowels Of My Brain VII

'Bout time for another "From The Bowels Of My Brain". Wait for it. Wait for it. 5. 4. 3. 2. 1.

And we're off:

>> So far, I think the best part of having a kid is that they can't do anything for themselves. Interestingly, that too is the worst part.

>> Some people just can't take advice.

>> The insert button on a keyboard drives me crazy.

>> I've found that when someone is having difficulty deciding between 2 options, the best thing to do is flip a coin. While it's in the air, or soon thereafter, their actual desire becomes clear.

>> Prediction for next huge diet fad: Tasteless, invisible, calorie-free meals.

>> I wonder if more money has been spent on anything as ugly as those hats they make you wear for graduation ceremonies.

>> I still get slightly more than a smidgen of satisfaction from winning my 8th grade Geography Bee.

>> If you're a waitress under 60 years old and you don't know me, you can't call me "darlin".

>> It seems beer has a monopoly on being "Ice cold"

>> It's impossible for the phrase "y'all come back" to not be accompanied by either "and see us" or "now ya hear"

>> Summer, use a light-weight bed spread. Winter, use a heavy bed spread. Save on heating and cooling year round. Thank me later.

>> Event organizers, adding "palooza" to a regular word for your event name does not make it more appealing.

>> Sleeping is the most boring thing I've ever done.

>> Truth be told, I'm not that big of a fan of U2's music.

>> Two of my new favorite things to say: Bocanegra and vuvuzela.

>> I'd like to use this sentence to question the world's need for Koozies.

>> Sometimes I wipe my lips with the back of my hand and then smell it to see if I have bad breath. #justbeinghonest

That's all for now. I have to go trim my ear hair.