Monday, August 17, 2009

How To Survive 1 Hour As The Chick-fil-a Cow

Preparation is key for any challenge in life. Here's how you should prepare for 1 hour as the Chick-fil-a cow:
  • First, you must put your body to the test ahead of time to make sure you can handle it
  • Start by getting into a sauna that's around 120° Fahrenheit
  • Then put on some ski bibs and a heavy winter coat; oh, and some gloves too
  • Stand there
  • Then, have a friend rest a 20 pound weight on the back of your neck
  • Then put some shoulder restraints on so you can't raise your arms
  • Have your friend tickle your face with a feather
  • But don't scratch it
  • Another key for the sauna: make sure there is no air flow. This is important
  • Find a restraint to make your head completely stationary - no neck movement allowed
  • Now put a blindfold over the top half of your eyes so all you can see is 24 inches of the ground in front of your feet
  • Stand there some more
  • Pretend cars are driving by, only you can't see them, and then wave
  • But, remember, you can't raise your arms
  • Have some of your friends who you haven't seen in a while come in and wave and scream and say hello
  • But remember, you won't be able to see them
  • Let beads of sweat drip down your face, neck, body, and legs, but never wipe them
  • Continue until 1 hour has elapsed
Once you have completed the exercises as described above, you will have accurate expectations for your hour as the Chick-fil-a cow.

Consider yourself warned. I wasn't so fortunate. I showed up with a smile on my face ready to put on the cow costume and help draw some people in for my brother-in-law's Eagle Scout Car Wash Fundraiser.
All smiles for now.
The fun begins.

A car being washed.
The guy who roped me into it.

If heat was visible in pictures, that's all you'd see here.


  1. hey!!! i've been the chick fil a cow before!
    does that make us related?

  2. Well, that and the fact that we each have 2 arms and 2 legs.