Wednesday, March 31, 2010

Livy Loves "Baby Keser"

Ashley has been back at work for several weeks now and "Aunt Bebe" has been taking care of Kessler, along with our moms and Mrs. Kim. When Kessler is with Aunt Bebe, he's also with his cousin Livy. Livy has been displaying maternal instincts for half her life.

She LOVES baby Keser.
If she hears him wake up from his nap, she'll yell from downstairs, "I'm comin' baby."
If he's fussing, and pretty much any other time, she'll grab his pacifier (she calls it a goggi) and force it in his mouth.
She'll get a diaper when Aunt Bebe is changing him.
She gives him "pat pats."
She rubs his head.
She gives him kisses.
And she's just two years old.

Tuesday, March 30, 2010

Pumpkins' 60th Wedding Anniversary

As the story goes, when I was really young my Dad's parents would often say, "Hey there, Pumpkin" to me a lot. So much so that I just started calling them Mamaw and Papaw Pumpkin. Even today, I have their phone number programmed into my cell phone as "Pumpkins."

Last Sunday we met the whole family in Concord to celebrate the Pumpkins' 60th Wedding Anniversary. 60 years of marriage says a lot of things: you've likely been alive for 80 years or more, you've spent about 75% of your life married to the same person, you're really patient, you're really committed, and you love each other. It's an occasion worthy of celebration.

CONGRATULATIONS Mamaw and Papaw Pumpkin!

Saturday, March 20, 2010

From The Bowels Of My Brain IV

The 4th group of unrelated thoughts we like to call "From The Bowels Of My Brain."

Fasten your seatbelts.

>> The easiest way to get people to like you is to laugh at their jokes.

>> The single most underrated and under discussed aspect of winning a basketball game is scoring more points than the other team.

>> I'm thinking about growing my hair out for "Locks of Love." I'm not considering it. That just happens to be what I'm thinking about as I type this.

>> Driving to and from a friend's house 8 miles away costs you $6-8; about $.40-.50/mile.

>> Tip to avoid oversleeping: Drink a lot of water before you go to sleep. When your alarm sounds, your bladder will also be screaming at you to get up.

>> Next time you want to alert someone to the fact that the scent of their breath is irritating your sense of smell remember this: Saying "You have bad breath" is much more confrontational than saying "You got some bad breaf".

>> Do you remember when it was common to say some statement that was the opposite of what you really thought and then you would say "NOT!" immediately following it? That was funny. NOT!

>> 28 years ago today I was living in a uterus.

Thursday, March 18, 2010

March Madness Carol

On Thursday March 17, 2005 I re-wrote a Christmas-time classic for the NCAA Tournament. Today, Thursday March 18, 2010, the NCAA Tournament starts and millions of people are thinking about and filling out their bracket.

"It's the Most Wonderful Time of the Year"

It's the most wonderful time of the year.
With the ballers all dunking,
and everyone yelling,
"Shut up Bill Packer"
It's the most wonderful time of the year.

There'll be plenty of gambling,
and analysts rambling
the best basketball on the globe.
there'll be great upset stories and
tales of the glories of tournaments
long, long ago.

It's the most wonderful time of the year.
There'll be one cinderella
thousands of sad fellas,
wishing that they could cheer.
It's the most wonderful time of the year.

I managed to only fill out 2 brackets this year when I normally fill out at least 5. The 2 this year ended up being quite similar. I'm in it to win it. Here are my picks:

Wednesday, March 17, 2010

Psycho Squirrel

Toward the middle of my freshman year in college, we had a gathering for Bible Study where we were challenged to wear the goofiest attire possible. While there, we got a little goofy and this ended up happening:

We call it the "Psycho Squirrel"

Wednesday, March 10, 2010


This is likely the most beautiful film I've ever seen. I could write for hours just about the moments that create the story of our lives; the despair, the delight, the monotony and the marvel. All in a moment.

Tuesday, March 09, 2010

Nigerian Scams And Ben Stein

After turning my buddy, Carson, on to Google Reader and RSS feeds, I slowly filled his personal email inbox with different feeds to which he should subscribe. One day I went through my feeds and sent him another large batch of suggestions. The following is the email conversation that ensued while we were at work. You'll probably be bored 3 emails in, but it made my day. Pay attention to the timestamps too.

Wednesday Afternoon

4:41pm Blake: Your Yahoo inbox is going to be pretty full when you get home.

4:55pm Carson: (In a sincere tone) As long as you have something to do with it, I'm o.k. with that.

5:03pm Blake: Well, I do have a little something to do with it. I gave your email address to the world's top 50 spammers. 14 of them are in Denmark. 9 are in Liechtenstein (the 6th smallest country in the world), 7 are from Germany, and 3 are from the landlocked African country, Djibouti. It is believed that all others are located on private islands and independent countries of no governance.

You’ll be glad Yahoo went to unlimited inbox storage…

Good luck.

The following morning I got his response.

9:07am Carson: Well, whatever you sent me, it's great. I won the lottery in 8 different countries with total winnings of over $37 billion. All I have to do is deposit this check they're gonna send me and then I wire back the funds. Once they get the money, then I'll collect my winnings. I had no idea I had a great uncle in Nigeria. But who cares, I'm a billionaire, la la la.

-C $

9:08am Blake: (Thinking that would be the end of the email exchange) Congratulations!

9:11am Carson: Thank you, and since you had a part in this, you will get .01 % of the winnings…

Hey, that’s still over $3.5 million.

9:13am Blake: Thanks…I guess you got my emails for real though. I didn't send specific articles for you to read, but I just sent the links so you could easily subscribe. Happy reading!

9:14am Carson: Yeah, good stuff, a couple of them you'd already told me about, but there were new ones too. I love Ben Stein's stuff. I wish he posted more often.

9:15am Blake: Your wish is my command. This'll keep you busy for a while.

9:17am Carson: (Tone unknown) You are amazing

9:21am Blake: Yeah…I love Stein too. I actually was walking with some friends in Georgetown, right outside of DC, a few years ago and I heard a familiar and distinctive voice behind me. Walking 5 paces behind me was Ben Stein and one of his buddies. My friends and I passed our planned destination and just continued to listen in as Stein got closer. I can't remember the topic Stein was discussing, but I remember that it was interesting. I slowed down on the crowded street, as he got closer and closer, eventually slowing to a tortoise pace. Ben lost his train of thought while talking and ended up running into me. I walked even slower and he said, "Hurry up kid.” I said, "Shut up BUELLER”, then offered a wily chuckle. 3 paces later, he, or it could have been his friend, pushed me from behind. A guy I was with, one of Ashley’s friends from Carolina, who had had a little too much to drink for the Bachelor party, hauled off and punched Stein’s buddy in the face…causing a big stir on the crowded streets. We kept walking while some of the crowd huddled around and some dispersed. I don’t really know what else happened with it, but that was one of the funniest nights of my life.

9:25am Carson: Shut your mouth, you expect me to believe that?

9:26am Blake: The only part of the story that is true is that I saw Ben Stein in Georgetown and he was talking with a friend and I listened to him. However, I did not even open my mouth when I wrote it so it does not require shutting.

9:28am Carson: Ok, then keep your mouth shut :)
(I think he included the smiley face as to not hurt my feelings. Such a gentle lad)

9:29am Blake: Did I have you for even one second? Please don't tell me all my work was completely in vain.

9:33am Carson: You had me until the punch in the face. Good work up until then.

9:34:21am Blake: YES!!!! That means I got you with the "BUELLER" line. I will smile the rest of the day.

9:34:21am Carson: I got suspicious at the "Shut-up BUELLER" line.

9:34:57am Blake: I am laughing out loud

9:36am Carson: Well, here's where a “Blake” story always keeps the listener suspiciously interested: Blake's sudden spontaneity vs. Blake's stone-faced fibbing.

I'm glad I made you smile. Have a great day bro.

9:38am Blake: Very well put. I especially like your use of alliteration…twice. While it probably does get the point across better,”sudden spontaneity” is a little redundant and it's like you are saying the same thing twice.

9:39am Carson: ;)
(Acknowledging Blake’s joke)

9:40am Blake: I think I am going to make this whole email conversation a blog post.

Monday, March 08, 2010

Kessler Loves His Mama

Kessler is getting very responsive and full of smiles, coos, and eye contact. He celebrated his 3-month birthday yesterday by pooping on his shirt.

He is such a great kid and we have LOVED being his parents. He's rewarding us by sleeping through the night, I think every night for 2 weeks. The kid is a cool cat and he really loves his mommy. For good reason too.

Friday, March 05, 2010

Twitter Jokes Part 1

These are the funniest, non-funny, template jokes you will ever read.

Feel free to contribute your additions in the comments. The possibilities are expansive.

A while back on twitter, a friend of mine wrote: What did one whale say to the other whale when they got to the whale party? (drum roll) "This blows."

Then he wrote: What did one stone say to the other stone when they got to the stone party? (drum roll) "This rocks."

Then he retweeted this: What did one peach say to the other peach when they got to the peach party (drum roll) "This is the pits"

Then I responded: What did one piece of poop say to the other piece of poop when they got to the poop party? (drum roll) "This stinks."

Then I wrote: What did one apple say to the other apple when they got to the apple concert? (snare tap) "This is hard core."

Then I wrote: I'm not even going to talk about what was said about the vacuum party.

Then I got carried away:

What did one sugar cane say to the other sugar cane when they got to the sugar party? (drum roll). "This is sweet!"

What did one wild pig say to the other wild pig when they got to the wild pig party? (drum roll) "This is boaring."

What did one crossdresser say to the other crossdresser when they got to the crossdresser party? (drum roll) "This is a drag."

So, any additions? I'll add some more in a separate post.

Tuesday, March 02, 2010

From The Bowels Of My Brain III

You ready for another "From The Bowels Of My Brain?"

Bags of Olympic inspiration in this lot:

>> I'm glad America is not good at curling.

>> Ridicule me all you'd like. The Climb, the song Miley Cyrus sings, might be one of the best pop songs ever written.

>> I recently realized I've never watched an entire hockey game on television.

>> If marketers had decided long ago they wanted us to eat dog meat, Outback wouldn't offer the sirloin special. It'd be a slab of Saint Bernard with Rottweiler Stew as an appetizer.

>> Can we just all agree that Greetings Cards are the biggest ripoff in America?

>> We need to come up with a better phrase to describe a great moment of acheivement than, "It's something I'll always remember". For me, winning my 8th grade Geography Bee is something I'll always remember, but it's hardly on par with winning a gold medal. My suggestion: "I am really, really happy I was able to acheive this."

>> It costs about $2.50 to do a load of laundry.

>> Everyone uses the phrase "mind's eye" but no one says "mind's mouth." We should start using that term more. True story: The other day I saw the word "strategy" written, but my mind's mouth said "strategery."

>> The best male and best female American skiers of my lifetime also have
some the the coolest names: Bode Miller and Picabo Street.

>> People who hate laughing are annoying. I don't know anyone like this, but I think you can agree that if someone hated laughing that would be annoying.

>> Relative to how bad it actually is, nothing is more frustrating than your Chapstick getting stuck in the lid.

>> You know that feeling when you wake up on a Saturday morning after a good night's rest, the sun's shining through the blinds, The Avett Brothers is playing through the speakers and your 12-week old son is smiling at you. That's a good feeling.